Overheard on the Airplane

(Flight attendant hands passenger at the window seat peanuts.)

Larger passenger at the window to Flight Attendant: May I have a few more peanuts?

FA: Sure. 

(She hands the peanuts to the passenger in the middle seat to give to the man at the window.

Middle Seat gives Window Seat a strange look as if to say, "wow like you really need these" and awkwardly hands over the peanuts.

Window Seat: Don't judge me. You dunno my life.

Over peanuts! Must have made for an awkward rest of the flight.

***

FA: Sir, I am going to have to check this bag for you, we have run out of space in the overhead bins.

(Passenger attempts to jam bag under the seat, although clearly still not fitting)

FA: Sir, it is not fitting under your seat and it is blocking the exit row.

Passenger: (getting agitated) When I fly other airlines I don't have this problem.

FA: Sir, when you fly other airlines I don't have this problem either. 

***

(Man comes out of the lavatory and must pass between three female flight attendants who are chatting near the lavs.)

FA (joking with passenger): Wow you're a lucky guy, its not everyday a guy gets to be surrounded by three pretty ladies.

Man: Actually, I'm pretty used to it. I'm a gynecologist.

***

Gate Agent (Speaking to a passenger): I'm going to have to check your bag.

Passenger: But, its squishy. (Trying to demonstrate the bag's ability to be crammed into the small overhead space)

GA: So is my ass. But that doesn't mean it belongs in a size 6. 

Socks Can Be Interesting

Yes, I took a picture of socks. Of mismatched and disgusting socks. But notice Jake the Bachelor made it into the right side of the photo. I do admit to having a slight crush on him. Okay who am I kidding? A major crush. But anywhoo, onto the socks.

After you've dated a while, you start dealing with each other's dirty laundry and in this case literally. The socks get washed, but they do not pair themselves. One wonderful thing that Alan inherits is his ability to throw things out. He will easily toss papers, old clothes, receipts, etc at my prompting. His non-hoarding tendencies apply to basically everything, but again, sadly, they do not apply to the socks. 

I will pair 40 matches of decent socks. Above is a small sampling of the partnerless socks.

I suggested throwing away the sock to the far left.

"Can we please throw this one out? It looks too big to even fit around Peter Griffin's ankle."

His response?

"No, keep it."

Huh? I can't imagine being lazy enough to go through 40 pairs (thats like over a month without doing laundry) and actually needing to wear these leftover socks.

Second, I'm not sure what his plans are for these lonely socks.

Is he gearing up to go to a sock puppet convention?

Or maybe there is a 'missed connections' section on craigslist for sock seeking sock. "To the sock with the green toe stripe, we briefly shared a laundry basket but you never made it into the wash Tuesday night. I hope you will see this and decide to get in touch."

I then suggested throwing away the sock in the center, and again I was denied.

"But honey, its fresh from the wash and it still looks like it was dragged through poop."

"Well, does it have actual poop on it?"

"Uh, no, but.."

"Then were keeping it."

In the end, the only socks he agreed to get rid of were the ones that had holes and if the sock were to have actual poop on it.

It's What I do.

I rollerbladed 4 miles.
I came home and ate the last piece of keylime pie.
And like 3 cinnamon rolls.

I am a huge contradiction.

(But loveable)

A little of Everything and a lot of Nothing

I've had many thoughts swirling through my mind but nothing cohesive enough to form an entry. I've had happy moments, but nothing thats inspired me enough to post about. I've had some confusion and angst over choices I am and am not making, but didn't even know how to approach these issues without being rambly.

But yet, I made this promise to myself, that I would try to write, at least weekly. My excuses include, not having a working laptop and that I like reading blogs more then I like writing my own.

Here is my attempt at keeping that commitment to myself.

Highlights of the happy moments:

-Receiving an email from Gussow filled with all kinds of hilariousness. His interview horrors. The interview with the doofus who thought he looked good with a ponytail. In another interview, Gussow's strong urge to ask if they had bothered to look at his resume or to just interview everyone that applied. Then there was the dating shenanigans. His string of dates with a psychologist. His admission that a primary motive was gold digging while hers was the chance to examine a rare specimen, a Gussow. And on and on.
-Spending some money to update my wardrobe. Some of the items I bought include 2 fun sweater dresses, a bomber jacket, earthy earrings and a necklace to go with, a belt, a pair of incredibly flattering dark wash wide-legged jeans, a peacock dress, 3 cardigans, a purple sweater, 2 white and grey ruffly tops to layer underneath, and the perfect pair of black heels.
-Catching up with Terry. Hearing about his first week working in a law office. How he is already comfortable and doing what he does best, making people laugh.
-Alan and I falling in love with an becoming addicted to Desperate Housewives! I love it when you get so wrapped up with a show you can spend the nights happily in bed indulging in episode after episode.
-Making the most amazing key-lime pie my mom gave me the recipe for. (I mixed 4 egg yolks, a can of sweetened condensed milk, a half cup lime juice, and a teaspoon of lime zest. I poured the mixture into a graham cracker pie filling and baked at 350 degrees for 20 minutes. To make the frosting I used a cup of whipping cream, 2 tablespoons sugar, and a little imitation coconut extract and beat until it had peaks. I frosted the top of the pie and then garnished with a layer of shredded coconut and lime slices in the center)
-Spending the day with Kai who I adore but rarely see. It was great hanging out and catching up.
-Rollerblading with Alan on the trail.

Now for the confusion and angsty stuff
-Feeling content and happy with who I am, but kind of getting the sense that I am being complacent and not taking any chances or making any changes to get to where I want to be.
-Disliking the fact that although I want to start my own professional organizing business, I have taken no action other then to talk about it.
-Feeling like I want/need to learn more, but unsure of which path to take. Going back for a master's degree has interested me, but I don't feel it benefits me careerwise at this point. My whole life I have set and achieved concrete goals, but now I feel like I don't know whats next.
-Feeling the urge to want to get back in touch with a friend who I no longer speak with. There is much more to this then I can say in a small blurb and this may be the subject of a future blog post. But for now, I miss the parties, the hangouts, the laughter and crazy fun associated with being this person's friend. But then there was the drama, the darker side, the shitty things he did and said, and the eventual falling out due to his behavior. Part of me wants to reach out because I miss the fun, the other and probably bigger part of me knows I don't need him.

Dear Passengers

Dear passenger-with-the-craptastic-attitude,

When you boarded the aircraft I greeted you with a smile and a "Good morning". You shook your head and  smirked. Your response was, "I have a tight connecting flight and I'm sitting at the back of the airplane. It's not a good morning." You know, there is a reason why I say, "Welcome aboard" or "Good morning" and not "How are you?".  "How are you?" can be insincere and also, its an open invitation for you to bitch. How you took a non-controversial statement like "Good morning" and turned into an opportunity  to complain is beyond me. You might take some behavioral tips from your fellow passengers. Next time try telling your flight attendant  it is nice to see a smile in the morning. I had a passenger who wasn't sure if she would make it to a funeral or not and yet I did not hear her complain once about her morning. And finally, do not book connecting flights that are so close that your seating position on the aircraft may determine whether you make or miss your next flight. Oh. And you were going to Atlanta. Where there are thousands of flights. Even if you were to miss your flight, you would automatically be re booked on the next one. Which would probably have been like an hour later. So Mr. Crappyattitude, get a hold of yourself and save your bitching for things that actually matter.

Love, your smiling and fabulous flight attendant

Dear larger passengers that need two seats but only book one,

Although I have never been overweight, I have so much compassion for you. Its hurts my heart to see other people experience the discomfort of being squished into a seat. Or see others treated differently based on how they look. With these type of situations, I am kind and sensitive to your seating needs. But when we have a completely full flight, it makes it harder for me to accommodate you and I can't have you taking up half of a seat someone else paid for. I would hope not fitting into an airplane seat would encourage you to start making some positive lifestyle changes. If not, I kindly ask of you:  if you know you need two seats, please pay for two seats. The price you pay for the extra seat spares you from the awkwardness of inconveniencing yourself or your fellow passengers.

Dear passenger (s) traveling internationally,

Please bring a pen to fill out your customs form and stop stealing mine. Can two middle school students share a pencil during an exam? No. Nor can 250 customers share 5 pens the flight attendants have collectively.  Oh, and no, we do not have a paper shredder board to shred your form if you make a mistake filling it out. (Someone actually asked me this). As a coworker pointed out, I guess teeth could be considered a shredding device so start chewing.  If only I had thought to say this to you it would have been brilliant.

Break From Blogging

I have been MIA from blogging for this month as my computer has been acting like its on drugs. If I have it in my lap, the slightest movement will cause the screen to turn black. Blogging under these circumstances sucks a major amount of ass. As soon as I get done with work, I will be ordering a laptop that is adorable and portable, I can't freakin wait!

I don't know if I was MIA from seeing the beauty of fall last year, or just oblivious, but the change of leaves is gorgeous. Before I became a flight attendant I never really witnessed the changing of the seasons living in Florida and all. For me seeing the awe and beauty in seeing the leaves change to red, orange, and yellows is akin to a Northerner seeing a palm tree for the very first time.

My fall bucket list includes dancing under a tree of falling yellow leaves and then playing in them. A coworker told me she was inspired to do this, and it just sounds like pure happiness!

Getting ready to go back to London tonight. Ready to write a real update upon my return!

Where in the World Am I?

Being that I am a flight attendant, I love to play the "guess where in the world am I game" with my non flight attendant friends. Usually I like to offer outrageous prizes as a reward for being right.

Because really, I could be anywhere, and the likelihood of a correct guess is umm, unlikely. I just like surprising people.

November schedules came out today. Being one of the most junior flight attendants, I expected either a crap trip or reserve days on Thanksgiving. They actually gave me a semi-decent trip with a good chunk of holiday pay. I traded said trip with a coworker's even better trip on the same days.

So, I played the game with Terry.

"Guess where I'll be on Thanksgiving this year!"

Terry: "In Turkey??

"Ha. Turkey for Thanksgiving! I wish. But I love your thinking!"

Terry: "You know, I just said that because it was deliciously ironic."

I'm not exactly sure what "deliciously ironic" means, but I do like the way it sounds.

Oh, and the answer as to my Thanksgiving whereabouts..... San Francisco!